Lindsay Robertson

economic/jerk indicator

If I’ve learned anything from an impulsive Craig’s List search RSS feed I forgot to delete three months ago, it’s that everyone in the NY Metro area thinks they can charge full retail price minus $50 for a 2-year-old Crate and Barrel Petrie sofa with stains on it. And that all of these unbelievably confident people appear to be male.

the stages of city life

Stage 1. Confirming whether someone you see across the street is your friend by looking at his or her bike.

Stage 2. Confirming whether someone you see across the street is your friend by looking at his or her dog.

Stage 3. Confirming whether someone you see across the street is your friend by estimating the age of the child in his or her stroller.

(I can’t say what’s next because all walkers and canes kind of look alike…at least right now.)

This New CBS Show, “Person to Person”

CBS has a new show on at 8 PM on Wednesdays called “Person to Person” and I watched it last night, and it’s so weird: Charlie Rose and Lara Logan sit in a New York studio and look at a huge screen, which displays a celebrity walking around his or her house with a remote camera crew, showing them their stuff. It’s basically “Cribs,” but the celebrities (last night they were George Clooney, Warren Buffet, and Jon Bon Jovi) just stand there and take direction from Charlie and Lara, who point at stuff in the celeb’s house and ask about it. So it’s like:

Charlie to George Clooney: “What’s that behind you? Is that a picture of a dog?”

George: “Oh, that? Yeah, that’s my dog.” (Basically.)

This sequence (“What’s that on the wall?,” etc) is repeated over and over, with deeper stuff about the person’s art thrown in to make it seem like an actual news program. In fact, “What’s That On Your Wall?” would work as a title for this show, which HAS TO BE the cheapest show, adjusted for inflation, ever to air on CBS in prime time.

Basically this show is EXACTLY like Skyping with your parents. (Here’s the Clooney segment in full, though it’s much more of a show to watch on your couch when you’re exhausted than exciting fast-paced internet video entertainment.) Anyway, I might be hooked.

(Also, there was a tiny framed picture in Clooney’s house of a blond woman wearing a bathing suit, and I paused on it, and I’m pretty sure it’s his girlfriend Stacy Keibler, and I was yelling at the screen to Lara and Charlie “Ask about that picture!” but I think that they were contractually obligated not to. But I also think Stacy Keibler sneaked that picture onto that table right before the film crew got there. We will probably never know.)

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When did Sarah Palin die?

Because you woke up today needing to see a video tribute to the relationship between Anne Shirley and her adoptive father/uncleish-type-person Matthew Cuthbert from “Anne of Green Gables” set to a cover of “Sea of Love” by Cat Power, and because the internet is a wonderland.

(Found this because a minor “Downton” character reminded me of Matthew and I was like “Aww, Matthew! Poor sweet Matthew!” so I went to see if youtube had his death scene so I could cry about it again and this was there.)

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Bare midriffs were definitely the weirdest part of the entire 1990s. Look who wasn’t even immune!

Any excuse to mention “Idiocracy”

One of my favorite lines from the movie I’m forced by our culture to remember nearly every day:

Joe: “I don’t understand. Why me? Every time Metzler says ‘Lead, follow, or get out of the way’ I get out of the way!”

Commanding Officer: “Yeah, when he says that, you’re not supposed to choose ‘get out of the way.’ It’s supposed to embarrass you into leading…or at least following!”

It’s at the :40 mark. Anyway, Mitt Romney is dumb.

tylercoates:

Thank you, Jen Carlson.

Oh my god that really is Tyler! I have goosebumps of delight over this.

A Video of Two Bachelor Contestants Moving Their Mouths From Side to Side

It’s the video of sworn enemies Emily the Doctor and Courtney the Model moving their mouths weird that we never knew we needed, set to Katy Perry’s “Firework” for some reason. I watched the whole thing, and maybe the scientists should take a look:

Via/By Reality Steve, but do not click that link unless you want major possible/probable spoilers, obviously.

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Condensation as Seasonal Affective Disorder trigger! It’s like getting turned on by the sight of an ankle. Here’s my Bachelor recap on Vulture today.

I don’t know what bugs me more about my online banking secret question selection, the masculine normativeness or the future utility of “Name a vacation spot.” (Just name one? Is this Family Feud?)

I’m just going to remember my password.

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Somebody should tell the Weather.com/Twitter pull-in that most people who Tweet the word “high” are probably not talking about the weather. Though actually it was probably “degrees” that did it. Either way: fun!

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joshfrench:

No bigsy, but that thing we did was a question on Millionaire.

Dream big!

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growltiger:

Last night.

Photo by Jen Carlson.

honestly, it made a lot of sense at the time.

Um, where’s my body? Am I a witch?

The other day I was at my local Trader Joe’s and noticed that the Espresso Pillows, to which I am addicted in that way where I’m never out of at least one sealed container in my home nor a tin in my bag, were out of stock. “Relax,” I told myself. It was right after a holiday weekend, and a lot of things were out of stock that day. I had my stash. I was fine.

But then yesterday I went again, and not only were the Espresso Pillows gone, but the entire candy shelf was completely neatly stocked and there were these BULLSHIT peppermint stick things in their place! I don’t know what to do. I’m in distress. Dear Trader Joe’s: not only do I NEED these, and the quick hits of caffeine they provide, but they are literally the only candy I like! In the entire world! Please do not doom me and other caffeine-loving, sweetness-averse folks to a candyless existence. (Also, I have an OCD thing where, throughout the day, I need to suck on one of these to start a project, the way people do with cigarettes. Obviously, the only solution is to make sure I’m never out!)

I guess if you see these in a NYC-area TJ’s, please email me, and if you work at Trader Joe’s and make candy decisions, please bring these back. I beg of you.

“Give me give me I need I need!” - Bob Wiley