June 26, 2009

Can I declare that cynical rejection of sentiment is no longer automatically considered hip or edgy? You're smart. You're discerning. You're better than everyone. We get it.

(via nerdshares)

Let the decree go out through all the land! Oh, to be 21 or whatever again.

June 25, 2009
This is on thedailyshow.com right now. Cameron’s publicist is probably on the phone right now.
This is on thedailyshow.com right now. Cameron’s publicist is probably on the phone right now.
June 23, 2009
whatevs: Amazing. Hilarious. I will print this out and stare at it while working out. (Backstory: I got laid off from Videogum. The Megan Fox stuff you have to google on your own. You guys are all awesome!) (Photoshop by Videogum pal Brad OFarrell. Nice Paul Rudd tattoo!)

whatevs:

Amazing.

Hilarious. I will print this out and stare at it while working out. (Backstory: I got laid off from Videogum. The Megan Fox stuff you have to google on your own. You guys are all awesome!)

(Photoshop by Videogum pal Brad OFarrell. Nice Paul Rudd tattoo!)

June 18, 2009

Hey, There's A Hot Teacher Sex Scandal At My High School!

Oops, that’s my high school. Favorite quotes bolded:

“Hunkiar said the School District was notified that during that overnight trip to Orlando in December, in which Lincoln High faced Tampa Plant, there were allegations about “inappropriate behavior,” involving the teacher and the student. Nagel was a chaperone on that trip. Lincoln lost the game, 34-14.”

And:

“The boy responded with a text saying, “me too I want to make love right now.” Nagel responded with a text saying, “me too I want you so bad,” according to the records.”

“He was 17 going on 77 officer, I swear!”


June 17, 2009

Dear Biggest Assholes In The World On The F Train Today

You said this. SO LOUDLY in the middle as the rest of us stared. I memorized:

One Of You: “One guy got a hundred and twenty thousand just to NOT work for a year.” (Ed note: what?)

The Other Of You: “Shit, I’d do it for 80 thousand! 80 thousand dollars a year to NOT work? I could live off that! I could totally do that!”

One Of You: “It’s still HIGHER THAN THE MEDIAN INCOME! I’d just travel! That’s like a hundred dollars a day just to NOT WORK! I would take that pay cut!”

The Other Of You: “We could work at Whole Foods like, five hours a week. Learn about food and shit.”

One Of You: “I would open a hot dog stand! Can you IMAGINE? How funny would that be?”

Anyway, you looked shockingly normal, but you are the biggest assholes in the world and I almost told you, but just know that everyone on that part of the train made SPECIAL BONDING EYE CONTACT over you. We came together as one. Thank you. Also, you work at McKinsey Consulting, because you said that, and I will forever continue to judge that company based partially on your behavior. Assholes. (Even if it was performance art, which it probably had to be, because it was so goddamn loud.)

June 12, 2009
“ Sometimes Norm MacDonald can be really funny, sometimes not so much. Last night’s Tonight Show appearance was mostly the latter, as he told some jokes that you and I would probably tell at a party, not because we made them up but because we heard them from someone who heard them from someone who heard them from someone and they’re 30 years old.

- TV Squad

I think this is the final sign that I need to get my single-serving site Thatsthejoke.com up and running. Because, for the love of god, THAT’S THE FUCKING JOKE.

May 29, 2009

Moe Tkacik Gets The Last Word

I was one of the people who was really torn about the whole Jezebel/Lizz Winstead hysterical fiasco last summer. I thought Winstead behaved dishonestly and Moe and Tracie behaved naively, but I think we all agreed that everyone freaked out and made a much bigger deal about it than should ever have been made of anything said or done at a comedy panel show. The only tragedy of that whole thing was that anyone thought those out-of-context quotes represented anything about our generation other than a more sophisticated, and therefore more easily misunderstood, sense of humor than the last. Anyway, almost a year later, and because it’s still being brought up all the time, Moe responds brilliantly with this essay that, actually, might be one of the most “feminist” things I’ve read in a long time. Be sure to read the whole thing, it really pays off. Excellent.
skybarn: thedailywhat: Tweet of the Day: Whoops! Did Sarah Palin just spoil the where and when of Stephen Colbert’s hush-hush Persian Gulf sojourn? It would appear so! I guess she just can’t help ruining things for other people, huh? [via.] Did the Daily What just take Lindsay from Videogum’s story without attribution? Definitely not, Stephen has made such a huge deal about the secrecy that anyone who watches every night would think of this immediately. And I love The Daily What! (But here’s my scoop, now with an “awesome” graphic.)

skybarn:

thedailywhat:

Tweet of the Day: Whoops! Did Sarah Palin just spoil the where and when of Stephen Colbert’s hush-hush Persian Gulf sojourn? It would appear so!

I guess she just can’t help ruining things for other people, huh?

[via.]

Did the Daily What just take Lindsay from Videogum’s story without attribution?

Definitely not, Stephen has made such a huge deal about the secrecy that anyone who watches every night would think of this immediately. And I love The Daily What! (But here’s my scoop, now with an “awesome” graphic.)

May 28, 2009
See What Stars Look Like With Kate Gosselin’s Hair! 5/28/09: Us Weekly cracks me up ON PURPOSE.

See What Stars Look Like With Kate Gosselin’s Hair!

5/28/09: Us Weekly cracks me up ON PURPOSE.

May 20, 2009

+ Hate

goldenfiddle:

“Kate Gosselin said she feels society has a responsibility to help with the children, since modern medicine promotes the use of fertility drugs, which can lead to multiple births, the AP reported.” (USweekly)

Nothing to add.

May 14, 2009

I Wish I Had Time To Start An "OMG I'm So Old" Tumblr

Because my first entry would be from this interview with Donald Glover, former Comedy Central intern, current 30 Rock writer, and future star of Community on NBC. I was just reading along, feeling happy for him, when this happened:

“The only thing is that now my mom will know that I have a real job. When I was like, “I’m a sketch comedian,” that doesn’t really play for a 37-year-old woman from the South.”

Oh my god, I’m so old.

May 13, 2009
Videogum Double Dog: I Took A TV Bus Tour Alone In A "Just Jack" Tshirt
Fun, humiliating times!
Inspired by a viral video, Sara Schaefer ordered the Thinny Hair Holder and demonstrated her experience with it on the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon blog. Hilarious.
Inspired by a viral video, Sara Schaefer ordered the Thinny Hair Holder and demonstrated her experience with it on the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon blog. Hilarious.
May 11, 2009
Boing Boing Bait. I want to pay this person his or her $10 back just to see what this turned out to be. (Via me messing around on Etsy.com yesterday, thus breaking my “No Internet Saturdays” rule.)

Boing Boing Bait.

I want to pay this person his or her $10 back just to see what this turned out to be.

(Via me messing around on Etsy.com yesterday, thus breaking my “No Internet Saturdays” rule.)

April 30, 2009
Due To Swine Flu Concerns, North Carolinians Urged Not To Go To South Of The Border. (Sorry if someone else has already made that joke, it’s impossible to Google.)

Due To Swine Flu Concerns, North Carolinians Urged Not To Go To South Of The Border.

(Sorry if someone else has already made that joke, it’s impossible to Google.)