My Genius Idea For Solving Two World Problems At...
This was a get out of bed in the middle of the nighter! Are you ready? Here it is: Proposition: All Christmas songs should be removed from the public domain and given to charity (thinking OXFAM or Toys For Tots). If a company wants to use a Christmas song, they have to purchase the right to do so from the charity. DONE AND DONE.
I Don't Know Very Many Things
But I do know that this is not how the film industry works.
Liveblogging My "Catching Up On Novel-Reading"...
I just decided to search for the most popular video tagged “puppy” on YouTube. #3 is Rick Roll. That is hilarious to me right now.
Three Men And A Baby Sequel In The Works →
First thought: “Twenty one is really way too young for that baby to be getting married.”
Slumdog Millionaire Band Name Idea
Everything you'll need on your holiday trip home
cajunboy: A couple of years ago my friend Kate wrote this production rider for her trip home to stay with her parents during the holidays for McSweeneys. It remains one of the funniest things about the holidays I think I’ve ever read… Please note the following points that shall be adhered to on Kate Kershner’s Holiday Visit Home Tour. It is in the best interest of the VENUE (i.e.: JIM and CAROL...
Christopher Meloni Has To Be Kidding
Fun activity: imagining the meetings and phone calls behind the scenes of People’s Scratch N Sniff sexiest men issue. It doesn’t matter how much he needed this for his career - NO guy with a sense of humor would take this assignment seriously. (I can just see Meloni telling his publicist “Uh, really? Do I have to? Okay, uh, “a day at the beach.”)
Single Ladies: A Deconstruction
lindsay: hey can you explain "single ladies" to me?
lindsay: I've heard the song once
lindsay: on snl
lindsay: and I've heard the "if you like it" quote many times
lindsay: but I don't get it
lindsay: did Jay Z really like her ring finger? that's the closest I can get
spencer: it's odd considering the secrecy surrounding her relationship with jay z
spencer: she's all loud and proud about get hitched
spencer: telling other girls what to do
spencer: but yeah
spencer: i tried to crack it, but you can't
spencer: its like my humps
spencer: dont waste your time pulling your weave out
spencer: to use a topical word, it's synecdoche
spencer: part for the whole
spencer: or is it metonymy?
spencer: it for it
spencer: the song doesn't work without pointing to what "it" is
lindsay: it is two different things
lindsay: if you like a then you should have put a ring on b
spencer: in the first case, "it" is poonanny and "it", in the second case is finger.
lindsay: or if you like a-z then you should have put a ring on b
lindsay: I guess either could stand, awkwardly, for "me"
spencer: it's lol cat speak really
spencer: it can has ring?
spencer: "it" could also be referring to the Stephen king novel. i hear jay z loves him some stephen king
spencer: break through
spencer: it's an update on the expression, "if you like it so much, then why don't you marry it?!"
spencer: pee wee better be seeing some residuals
spencer: that's it
spencer: the most juvenile phrase ever turned beyonce single
lindsay: I say that all the time!
lindsay: why didn't I figure that out?
lindsay: This has just blown my mind.
RIP Trout →
Now where are BoCoCa (sorry) citizens who don’t have summer shares to go to pretend they’re at the beach next summer? (It was also nice in winter. Life is not fair.)
Focus On The Family Eliminating Hundreds Of Jobs →
It’s not all bad news!
Rare Diseases Threaten The Shire →
Well that explains hobbits! (groan.)
I think if I’d posted this on Videogum Gabe would have quit, but the point I’d like to make with it is this: if a company asks you to participate in a frank discussion of bodily functions and/or sex for their online video show, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SAY NO. (Also, all those girls are your girlfriends.) Steph: say that not all girls have those stories Me: I know! Right? Steph: because...
I love how mean the ONTD Moderators are →
The first rule of the ONTD community is fuck you. Tough love!
Putting All The Vegetables Away
Pre-Obama’s win, the only thing I could listen to late at night on the subway was The Gash. Now, the only thing I can listen to is Suddenly, Everything Has Changed. (This is assuming that the only album everyone else has time to listen to anymore is The Soft Bulletin. Right? Guys?) One thing is certain: the fight for sanity WILL be the fight of our lives, but drivin’ home the sky sure...
I Dated A Spammer
The year was 1997, I’m pretty sure. I was in college in Tallahassee. My boyfriend drove me around everywhere because I didn’t have my license yet because of what I would later learn was something called “learned helplessness” (crossed with 99% “learned laziness.”) I was barely “on the internet” at all yet, but he had already started his own...
The Natural Consequences Of Pubic Hair Dye Must Be... →
Please please please, Lord, let there be a guy out there, and let him have a beard, and let him make a vlog (yes, the commissioning of the vlogs has begun), and let that beard be all kinds of colors all of a sudden, Lord, let that beard be every color of the rainbow, and let that guy say in his vlog “Hey, um, does anyone know how to get this out? Like, seriously…I’m going to have...
My dad does mark ruffalo’s dad’s taxes and you don’t see me all,‘“hey mark,...– An email from a former shovelheader re: new SNL casting. (via itsbedtime)
Great, *Now* We Get A Bully
Elderly Christian woman’s cross is trampled at gay rights rally (Video) An isolated incident that will no doubt be clung to, though, on some level, the ramping up of heated emotion on this subject seems so long overdue that it’s hard not to think a few “finally” thoughts among the “eww, no, don’t do that, dude, why?” thoughts. I just wish it was a huge...
Does Anyone Else Do This?
When you watch a game show and someone wins an amount, do you automatically halve it in your head because winnings and bonuses are taxed at 50%? And is that some sort of optimist/pessimist indicator, because I’ve always thought I was an optimist. I can’t be the only one. When Deal Or No Deal first started I would be like “It’s not 100k, it’s 50k, and NO YOU...
And The Laziest Pro Blog Post Of 2008 Is...
Small Wonder: Discuss.
The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Researched/Argued For
azizisbored: I recently wrote a small piece of about “Diddy Blogs” for the NYTimes and was told they wouldn’t print the word “bitchassness” in reference to Diddy Blog #10: Bitchassness Alert Level Orange. I thought they should keep it in, so I sent this email to them. Read the whole thing, it’s very funny.
Update: Councilman Accused of Peeing on... →
Maybe he should swear off peeing on people first.
New angle for the puppy cam! →
davidcho: See more of their play pen cage thing! I can’t believe how excited I was/am for the new puppy cam angle. At least we all seem to be in this together, internet. Right guys? Guys?
I was getting a little annoyed with the meme so I decided to see if the URL was taken. It is! And, amazingly, by someone who also seems a little annoyed with the meme.
"The Movie Is Helmed By Seann William Scott..."
When I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to watch TV. So all of our television came in the form of VHS Christian propaganda tapes my parents subscribed to through church for outrageous fees. “Gospel Bill” was a western in which an absurdly middle-aged and overweight “cowboy” staged showdowns with a wily devil in the town square (no guns — but there was a lot of...
"Maya Angelou Feels A New Poem Welling Up Inside... →
Bam Margera feels a new ball-stapling dare welling up inside of him after Obama’s election. Lauren Conrad/blank stare. Maya Angelou/publicity stunt. Etc.
Barney The White House Dog Bites A Reporter Today Gee, if only there was some sort of angle someone could find on this.
Same Thing Happened Every Year With The Wizard Of...
Just had this conversation with my roommate, Brian: lindsay: I didn’t get to say this last night, but: lindsay: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! brian: ha brian: i had to turn your lights and tv off last night brian: i got home at 4 brian: you were in bed brian: with everything on brian: and the door open brian: it was adorable brian: like you wanted to stay up for the...
I Sound Like A Palin In This But I Don't Care
What To Do If Obama Wins And You Experience...
Move to the nearest doorway.
The Cyclical Nature Of Silly Internet Memes Takes... →
marklisanti: [tesslynch:thecherrypicker] Aww, the guy who has sex with dolphins is goin’ around again. Now. (Not that it’s not still hilarious. Just…now.)