Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps won the weekend on its way to (almost certainly) winning a few Razzies. It’s by far the worst movie I’ve seen in a theater this year. But that’s boring. What’s not as boring are all the crazy many plot holes and super goofs in this movie! Here are just a few me and viewing partner Katie Bakes (who didn’t hate the movie, for the record) noticed. (Spoilers ahead, but, like, don’t see this movie anyway.)
1. The film begins with Gordon Gekko getting out of prison in 2001. Then the screen says “2008: seven years later.” But for the entire movie, Gekko acts - and everyone treats him (Graydon Carter, Charlie Sheen, etc) as if he JUST got out of prison and they’re seeing him for the first time. It’s this whole running theme - and he also constantly talks about prison as if he’d just gotten out. I know this is because they had to set the movie during the financial crisis, but couldn’t they have given him a longer prison sentence? Where has he been for seven years that he hasn’t run into a single person he knew until now?
2. After Shia and Bretton’s (HILARIOUS) motorcycle-off in what appears to be very rural upstate New York, Shia quits on Bretton in the woods and says “fuck you!”. But Shia got there via Bretton’s private helicopter, so how the hell does he find his way back to Manhattan? Bretton yells “you can keep the bike as severance!” presumably to cover this, but it still seems like Shia would have, like, a days-long adventure trying to get back.
3. The stupid ring! Carey Mulligan’s engagement ring is this big running theme in the movie because it represents money or how she doesn’t care about money or whatever. But it’s also a source of many goofs. Carey is seen wearing the ring, then she sees her father, then her father tells Shia to “get her a ring, will you?” But she already had the ring. Also, Shia is never seen giving it to her, which is weird. Also, in the beginning, Shia asks the guy at the ring store to take him to “the money room” and then they do a fast cut to a crowded nightclub full of Shia’s friends and coworkers. In the language of movies, this fast cut means the night club is the money room, but it’s not. They just skipped the money room scene. It’s weird.
4. As Shia and Norman Mailer’s son leave the nightclub after Shia has just shown the ring, which cost $450k, to him, they walk along a crowded Manhattan street at night. A man bumps into Shia noticeably and Shia acknowledges it with an “excuse me” or something. So of course we think the ring is stolen! But it’s not. So that was just some kind of weird trickery or something. I didn’t like it.
5. EVERYTHING ABOUT CAREY MULLIGAN’S BLOG! Haha, these were the best goofs. Like in one of the first scenes of the movie, Carey tells Shia that she has to go down to Washington for a week because the blog is relaunching, and “the site goes down for 10 days starting tomorrow.” Shia comments about where lefties will get their news for 10 days or something. But that’s not how website relaunches work! The site does not go down for 10 days. Ever. Then later, Carey is seen in front of her computer poring over a blog post, but it’s printed out on paper in front of her (with her picture.) Only Tina Brown prints out blog posts.
6. The entire nonsensical ending. Why does Gordon Gekko giving the money to the fusion company suddenly mean Carey and Shia can be back together? Why are they all one big happy family at the baby’s birthday party at the end, especially when all three of the main characters have committed felonies in the course of the movie? Why are they letting Gordon Gekko back in their lives when he did nothing but prove himself to be exactly what Carey thought he was? He’s JUST GOING TO DO IT AGAIN! Which is worrying, because this movie should not have a sequel.
Also, oh my god, all of the old wrinkled skin and, worse, terrible plastic surgery in this movie! Cat lady socialites galore. And whatever has happened to Charlie Sheen’s face. God, I hated this movie (also, I think there were more goofs, even.) Don’t see it!